Tressel to coach from F-16 this fall

  "It isn't quite the old zeppelin, but it might have to do, depending on circumstances, so on and so forth. You know, I may change it depending on how things progress, how players progress, how the team progresses..."

Ohio State head football coach Jim Tressel has elected to take a radically different approach to coaching the Ohio State football team come the fall, after a visit to Wright-Patterson Air Force Base.

When asked why, after so many consistently successful years coaching from the sidelines, Tressel replied:

Well, I think there's no question that anytime you want to get some sort of advantage on your opponent, be it in the running game, the passing game, the kicking game, even the punting game, you want to at least attempt to put a little leverage on your side in some way or another. I think a good way we, as a football team, can accomplish this particular task is by becoming a little bit more of a diverse offensive team. Now, don't worry, we'll still be running at a 67 percent or greater clip, like God intended. I won't be doing this willy-nilly, as it were. I think that a good way for us to diversify our scheme in an intelligent manner, at least, is for me to experience the feeling of being "in the danger zone" if you will. I have a personal philosophy that you simply can't do anything if ya don't test the waters first. Ya know, like we did with our pistol package last year.

We here at WWAHT have multiple linguists breaking down this quote and trying to see if he actually said anything at all. A detailed report will be posted middle of next week.